Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~'s topics - tribe.net

SF

Jean Luc — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 17:19:14 GMT

I'm coming to SF this month!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 6 replies

I'm Hot

Jean Luc — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 16:19:26 GMT

What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To?
You scored as a Hot
Haha! u are so hotttttttttt!
Hot

60%
Emo Kid

53%
Goth

53%
Punk

47%
Geek/Nerd

33%
Jock

33%
Prep

26%
Stoner

20%
"Ghetto"

20%
Loner

20%

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=4385

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

this ought to make you flip out JL...

j3r3myc — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 18:45:10 GMT

http://www.conservapedia.com/Earth

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Now this guy is clever

Jean Luc — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 16:03:21 GMT

http://www.editorandpublisher.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003551020

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

Buy me this

Jean Luc — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 16:51:05 GMT

http://teslamotors.com/index.php?js_enabled=0

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Fugly has a new posterchild...

Jean Luc — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 16:30:12 GMT

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/florida/sfl-329harris.jpg,0,5573177.photo?coll=sfla-news-florida

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 6 replies

What kind of gay are you?

Jean Luc — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 14:47:59 GMT

I think this is mostly for men:

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=7322

I'm a "politiqueer"

No comment.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

Butt first...

Jean Luc — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 17:51:51 GMT

I love this video...

http://www.tvgasm.com/chenbot/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

For the love of all that is good and holy

Jean Luc — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 15:04:54 GMT

do not watch this video

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836&q=jump+in+my+car

Safe for work. But not for your soul.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 8 replies

Cool

Jean Luc — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:07:57 GMT

http://blueballfixed.ytmnd.com/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

you MIGHT be a red stater...

j3r3myc — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 19:11:23 GMT

http://www.theleftcoaster.com/archives/007855.php

if you think this is funny...

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

XXX Dinosaur Park

Jean Luc — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 15:55:23 GMT

New Triple-X Dinosaur Park Opens In Nevada

May 31, 2006 | Issue 42•22

ELKO, NV—Crowds braved 95-degree heat and throngs of protestors to attend the opening of the Greater Nevada XXX Dinosaur Park Monday, a new adults-only attraction that bills itself as "The Place Where The Extinct Sink The Pink." "You've seen their bones—now see them boning! Triceratops and Bottoms!" according to a television ad for the park currently running after 10 p.m. throughout Nevada and Southern California. Proprietors, who have dubbed the park "Salacious In The Cretaceous," say that visitors "will never think of dinosaurs as cold-blooded again." Paleontologists are calling the park sensationalist and exploitative, but add that anything that gets people interested in science can't be all bad.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 7 replies

a clever subject...

lgisaac — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 18:10:51 GMT

well it made me open up the email anyway.

"Everyone within ten miles--basically, the entire civilian population of Qwghlm, or, to put it another way, the entire Qwghlmian race-can see the new huffduff antenna rising from the mast on the castle. They are not stupid people and some of them, at least, must understand that the damn thing doesn't do any good if it is always pointed in the same direction. If it's not moving, it's not working. And if it's not working, then just what the hell is going on up there in the castle anyway?m0w3sX"

I want to know how to get to this place called qwghlm. Do they have penis enhancement tools there as well?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

Computer Haiku

Jean Luc — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 19:46:03 GMT

old but good.

Computer Haiku
Imagine if, instead of incomprehensible geeky text strings, your computer produced error messagers in haiku...

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence
"My Novel" not found.

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
just cannot be located.
But others exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Aborted effort.
Close all that you have.
You ask far too much.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao,
until you bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Three things are certain.
Death, Taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occured.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words "File Not Found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 5 replies

Computer protection

Jean Luc — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 18:48:17 GMT

I know that while exploring the internet and all the wholesome *cough* family friendly *cough* websites there are out there, one occasionally gets a virus or some other form of malware.

Here are some mostly free resources that should be part of your computer PC only, (Shut up Leslie!).

Adaware: www.lavasoft.de/

Spybot Search and Destroy: www.spybot.com/en/download/index.html

Ewido: www.ewido.net/en/download/ (14 day free trial, but definitely worth paying for)

Spywareguard: www.javacoolsoftware.com/sgdownload.html

Spywareblaster: www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywa...r.html

READ ALL INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USING if you aren't tech savvy. It does say use at your own risk for a reason.

A great article about "malware":

wiki.castlecops.com/Malware_...roduction

-love and kisses,

Your friendly overlord.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 6 replies

sorry all you windows users out there...

lgisaac — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 17:09:50 GMT

but this is too frigg'n clever not to post.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/winrg.php

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

the fall of western civilization

Jean Luc — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 17:11:07 GMT

And some gratuitous beaver shots as well..

http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/flavor_of_love/001899.php

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

big fat surprise...

Jean Luc — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 20:48:41 GMT

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1142722231554&call_pageid=970599119419

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

NO WAY!!!!

Jean Luc — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 14:43:35 GMT

Apparently Massachucetts has Romulan police officers on the force.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

here...

lgisaac — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 01:01:29 GMT

Play with this. from another tribester...

http://www.oyonale.com/ldc/english/mainstreet_east_qt.htm

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

And my head just exploded

Jean Luc — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 20:24:28 GMT

and not in a good way.

http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/clay_aiken/clay_aikens_onetime_lover_speaks_and_speaks_some_more_20060227.php

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

hours of fun

Jean Luc — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 21:55:15 GMT

http://www.tvgasm.com/snark.php

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

I think this epitomizes...

lgisaac — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 16:58:43 GMT

a recent incident.

http://dickcheneyquailhunt.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

give it a try, it's fun!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

SuperClever

Jean Luc — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 17:18:14 GMT

http://www.seanbaby.com/super.htm

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

WOW

Jean Luc — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 17:59:09 GMT

very clever, from tvgasm

"This is totally unrelated, but in the absence of any notable entertainment news I just wanted to point out that Condoleezza Rice is the black version of Lucy from Peanuts."

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Happy Valentines Day

Jean Luc — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:54:30 GMT

From your favorite trouser roll...

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

Which trouser roll are you?

Jean Luc — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 15:43:04 GMT

OOps, I mean role.

http://quizilla.com/users/quinquin/quizzes/Which%20Trouser%20Role%20Are%20You%3F/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 7 replies

very very cool

Jean Luc — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 21:16:36 GMT

http://www.rense.com/general67/street.htm

if you think it's a trick, wait til you get to the bottom of the site...

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

You Must Watch this all the way through to believe it...

lgisaac — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 16:49:36 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/w/Mac-Cosmetics-Ad-ft.-Amanda-Lepoore?v=fModq_rvNMk&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fprofile%2Emyspace%2Ecom%2Findex%2Ecfm%3Ffuseaction%3Duser%2Eviewprofile%26friendid%3D19234123

I still cannot believe it!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

Help Me Cleverites!

Jean Luc — Mon, 16 Feb 2004 15:36:47 GMT

What the heck does H20 stand for? I know it's water (duh) but what is the scientific name?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 27 replies

Even though I hate commercials

j3r3myc — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 20:23:06 GMT

http://www.spyfilms.com/whatsNew.html

I watched them all! Start off with the short film, then watch all the commercials, these people are great!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

I like this too... brainsuck as a concept.

lgisaac — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 20:08:56 GMT

http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/listing/BRAINSUCK/san-francisco-ca/5feb6e91-4854-4763-9e22-6b47fd5dc141

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH

Jean Luc — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 19:06:14 GMT

PURE EVIL. WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/01/26/david_hasselhoff_is_hooked_on.html#comment

Video at the top of the page.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

How will YOU die?

Jean Luc — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 15:12:15 GMT

do an internet search for yourname, killed by. As in "Peter killed by"

I'm most proud of being killed by shortcake.

Web Results (What's this?)
AN PHOBLACHT/REPUBLICAN NEWS
... CLANCY, Peter (10th Ann). In proud and loving memory of our brother Peter, killed by British forces on 16 February 1992 ...
more hits from: http://republican-news.org/archive/2002/February14/14ndil.html - 9 KB

The Seraph's Atelier
... Peter: Or any weird thing, now that I think about it... Peter: killed by ... shortcake ...

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 18 replies

Rhonetta. Rules.

Jean Luc — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 14:53:15 GMT

End of story.

http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/american_idol/001620.php

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Design a prom dress!

Jean Luc — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 20:06:05 GMT

http://www.lifetimetv.com/games/game.php?game=promdress

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

cute and creepy

Jean Luc — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 21:15:44 GMT

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10903211/?GT1=7538

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 12 replies

I don't think I'm ready for that much jelly

Jean Luc — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 20:11:20 GMT

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/01/19/japan.jellyfish.reut/index.html

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

38. Dollars. A. Bottle.

Jean Luc — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 20:47:09 GMT

http://www.blingh2o.com/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 8 replies

Hmm

Jean Luc — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 19:29:41 GMT

I bought a map of the stars homes once, and I was sorely disappointed.

http://newyork.tribe.net/event/Maps-Of-The-Clitoris-The-Truth-About-Female-Anatomy/williamsburg-brooklyn-ny/ac80db3d-ca2b-4c11-babb-04667c875a89

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

new for Mac's only...

lgisaac — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 02:45:15 GMT

you must have tiger and broadband

http://earth.google.com/tour/thanks-mac.html

it is amazing!!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Tribe Ads

Jean Luc — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 18:13:33 GMT

http://www.drnatura.com/?ovchn=GGL&ovcpn=Google&ovcrn=colonics+los+angeles&ovtac=PPC

I think I found the title to my next book.

"Death Begins in the Colon"

dum da DUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

When NOT to buy organic

Jean Luc — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 17:40:16 GMT

http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/food/organic-products-206/overview.htm

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

The UNcyclopedia

Jean Luc — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:30:10 GMT

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/George_W._Bush

The encyclopedia ANYONE can edit...

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Chuck Norris facts

Jean Luc — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 17:11:06 GMT

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Ca Plane Pour Moi

Jean Luc — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 20:23:08 GMT

filtered through a translator program. Sing along!

(Wham! Bam!) (My cat "Splash") Gît on my bed A puffed out his language By drinking (trunk) my whisky As for me Peu slept, emptied, persecuted I had to sleep in the gutter Where I had a Hou flash! Hou! Hou! Hou! Four colors Go hop! One morning One (darling) came to me Poupée from Cellophane Chinese Hair an adhesive plaster a hangover A drunk my beer In large glass Hou rubber! Hou! Hou! Hou! Like an Indian in his igloo That planes for me That planes for me That planes for me me me me me That planes for me Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou! That planes for me Go hop! The chick What a panard! What a vibration! To be sent On the door mat Filed, ruined, emptied, filled "You are the King of the couch!" That she says to me while passing Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou! I amndt the King of the couch That planes for me That planes for me That planes for me me me me me That planes for me Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou! That planes for me Go hop! Occupy you Worry you Do not touch my planet It' S not today Quel the sky will fall me on the head And that I will miss alcohol Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou! That planes for me Go hop! My chick drew barred Enfin is (enough) with all to break the sink, the bar leaving me only Like a large Hou jerk! Hou! Hou! Hou! The foot in the dish That planes for me That planes for me That planes for me me me me me That planes for me Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou! That planes for me That planes for me That planes for me That planes for me me me me me That planes for me

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

Wow

Jean Luc — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 21:35:15 GMT

I love humans.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/27/people.letterman.restraining.ap/index.html

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Shut Up Leslie

Jean Luc — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 17:20:03 GMT

Oh wait wrong tribe.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

word(s) of the year

lgisaac — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 17:46:48 GMT

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=3&entry_id=2162#comments

I nominate sippy cups!!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

Huh.

Jean Luc — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 17:39:46 GMT

How about that, the plural of uterus is uteri.

I doubt that word gets much use.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 7 replies

Frogs are clever

Jean Luc — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 17:03:54 GMT

http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=901&p=local&a=1

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Opt out of (some) junk mail

Jean Luc — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 20:27:42 GMT

https://www.optoutprescreen.com/opt_form.cgi

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Say it aint so Gary!

Jean Luc — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 19:18:35 GMT

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2005/11/17/entertainment/e044525S76.DTL

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 11 replies

Won't you come gobbling?

Jean Luc — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 17:50:34 GMT

http://www.lileks.com/institute/motel/index.html

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 8 replies

Breaking news: Darwin appears in holy frying pan!

j3r3myc — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 19:23:33 GMT

http://www.pandasthumb.org/archives/2005/11/breaking_news_d_1.html

From London comes the astonishing news that the unmistakable image of Charles Darwin has appeared in the bottom of a postdoc’s frying pan. Scientists around the world1 are puzzled about the possible mechanism that might have resulted in the 19th century naturalist’s portrait being deposited on the suface of a cooking utensil.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Massage a Squirt Kebab today!

Jean Luc — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 18:52:22 GMT

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/bbtrix/6.html

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

Sour Cream

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 17:53:08 GMT

Check out the sour cream I just bought. Check it carefully.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 5 replies

Factoid

Jean Luc — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 16:25:46 GMT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rusty_trombone

And THAT'S one to grow on.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Hmm

Jean Luc — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 15:42:55 GMT

Apparently tom green released his cell phone number.

(310) 717-1919

Does anyone care?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

Cameltoe doesn't discriminate

Jean Luc — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 19:37:13 GMT

http://newyork.tribe.net/template/pub%2Ctribes%2CViewPhoto.vm?page=1&currentoffset=0&parentid=0ea6a25a-a3a5-47c7-b4e3-f3a18d1b7507&sortby&rows

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

The Les

Jean Luc — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 17:36:02 GMT

Hosting a Universal Session on Kablablahblah.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Clever

Jean Luc — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 17:15:40 GMT

http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/space/11/15/china.moon.real.estate.reut/index.html

Whatcha say J3r3my? Thinking about selling some real estate on Uranus?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 5 replies

fot the golfers

hennatat — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 15:44:39 GMT

"Top 10 phrases that sound "dirty" on the Golf Course but aren't’.

10. NUTS!!! My shaft is Bent!

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk!

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. LOOK at the SIZE of his PUTTER!!!

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a little more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your Back turned and drop it in.

3. My hands are so sweaty I cant get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

1. Hold up, I need to wash my balls.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

funny one

hennatat — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 15:16:16 GMT

*These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published

by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these

exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

____________________________________________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that

morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

____________________________________________________________________

Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

____________________________________________________________________

Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't

know about it until the next morning?

____________________________________________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

____________________________________________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

___________________________________________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

____________________________________________________________________

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up! also?

____________________________________________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

___________________________________________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male or a female?

____________________________________________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

____________________________________________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

____________________________________________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the

autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law*

]

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Madonnatoe

Jean Luc — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 20:56:15 GMT

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9916538/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 11 replies

OK, Breastmilk

Jean Luc — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:04:36 GMT

What's the deal with this? Can you squirt it out? Could you drink your own? Does it taste good? What color is it? COuld you use it in pancakes?

I've got all these burning questions, and yet, no breasts.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 41 replies

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw

Jean Luc — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 15:06:37 GMT

http://catsinsinks.com/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 8 replies

Work dares

j3r3myc — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 20:35:59 GMT

I know how much you like this sort of thing JL...

ONE-POINT DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Clever

Jean Luc — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:59:33 GMT

HEADLINE: Defending Imperial Nudity

BYLINE: By PAUL KRUGMAN

BODY:

Hans Christian Andersen understood bad rulers. ''The Emperor's New Suit'' doesn't end with everyone acclaiming the little boy for telling the truth. It ends with the emperor and his officials refusing to admit their mistake.

I've laid my hands on additional material, which Andersen failed to publish, describing what happened after the imperial procession was over.

The talk-show host Bill O'Reilly yelled, ''Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!'' at the little boy. Calling the boy a nut, he threatened to go to the boy's house and ''surprise'' him.

Fox News repeatedly played up possible finds of imperial clothing, then buried reports discrediting these stories. Months after the naked procession, a poll found that many of those getting most of their news from Fox believed that the emperor had in fact been clothed.

Imperial officials eventually admitted that they couldn't find any evidence that the suit ever existed, or that there had even been an effort to produce a suit. They insisted, however, that they had found evidence of wardrobe-manufacturing-and-distribution-related program activities.

After the naked procession, pro-wardrobe pundits denied that the emperor was at fault. The blame, they said, rested with the C.I.A., which had provided the emperor with bad intelligence about the potential for a suit.

Even a quick Web search shows that before the procession, those same pundits had written articles attacking C.I.A. analysts because those analysts had refused to support strong administration assertions about the invisible suit.

Although the imperial administration was conservative, its wardrobe plans drew crucial support from a group of liberal pundits. After the emperor's nakedness was revealed, the online magazine Slate held a symposium in which eight of these pundits were asked whether the fact that there was no suit had led them to reconsider their views. Only one admitted that he had been wrong -- and he had changed his mind about the suit before the procession.

Helen Thomas, the veteran palace correspondent, opposed the suit project from the beginning. When she pointed out that the emperor's clothes had turned out not to exist, the imperial press secretary accused her of being ''opposed to the broader war on nakedness.''

Even though skeptics about the emperor's suit had been vindicated, TV news programs continued to portray those skeptics as crazy people. For example, the news networks showed, over and over, a clip of the little boy shouting at a party. The clip was deeply misleading: he had been shouting to be heard over background noise, which the ambient microphone didn't pick up. Nonetheless, ''the scream'' became a staple of political discourse.

The emperor gave many speeches in which he declared that his wardrobe was the ''central front'' in the war on nakedness.

The editor of one liberal but pro-wardrobe magazine admitted that he had known from the beginning that there were good reasons to doubt the emperor's trustworthiness. But he said that he had put those doubts aside because doing so made him ''feel superior to the Democrats.'' Unabashed, he continued to denounce those who had opposed the suit as soft on sartorial security.

At the Radio and Television Correspondents' annual dinner, the emperor entertained the assembled journalists with a bit of humor: he showed slides of himself looking under furniture in his office, searching for the nonexistent suit. Some of the guests were aghast, but most of the audience roared with laughter.

The chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee oversaw an inquiry into how the government had come to believe in a nonexistent suit. The first part focused on the mistakes made by career government tailors. But the second part of the inquiry, on the role of the imperial administration in promoting faulty tailoring, appeared to vanish from the agenda.

Two and a half years after the emperor's naked procession, a majority of citizens believed that the imperial administration had deliberately misled the country. Several former officials had gone public with tales of an administration obsessed with its wardrobe from Day 1.

But apologists for the emperor continued to dismiss any suggestion that officials had lied to the nation. It was, they said, a crazy conspiracy theory. After all, back in 1998 Bill Clinton thought there was a suit.

And they all lived happily ever after -- in the story. Here in reality, a large and growing number are being killed by roadside bombs.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Bunny Crimes

Jean Luc — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 16:11:43 GMT

http://newyork.tribe.net/template/pub%2CViewPhoto.vm?page=1&currentoffset=2&parentid=242b2128-1126-4e2e-825a-0bc5d1146152&sortby&rows&r=10352

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

Scariest woman EVER

Jean Luc — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 18:37:08 GMT

http://www.richmond.com/locallife/output.aspx?Article_ID=3545810&Vertical_ID=135

I don't know if anyone watches the apprentice. Her last couple of comments are particularly scary.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 18 replies

Seriously

Jean Luc — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 15:51:37 GMT

Best. Site. Ever.

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

Ahhnold

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 16:17:48 GMT

http://arnoldsneighborhood.com/

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Hold your nose and vote

Jean Luc — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 19:09:19 GMT

I want to mess with their results.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Please o please

Jean Luc — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 18:04:16 GMT

tell me no one leaves their computers on when they aren't using them.

Tell me you aren't too lazy to wait the extra seconds for it to boot up that you'd rather waste all that electricity.

Please?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 17 replies

Another q

Jean Luc — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 20:50:22 GMT

What would you do if you were the last person on earth?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 3 replies

this website is clever...

lgisaac — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 00:54:15 GMT

http://www.gone2thedogs.com/

and then you get to figure out what kind of dog you are. I have been always wondering.

me, I always knew I was a shar pei!!

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 16 replies

Disturbing

Jean Luc — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 18:55:35 GMT

There are many many disturbing things to be found in a public restroom. However, possibly the most disturbing, aside from the smell, is the sound of VIGOROUS wiping.

Geez dude, calm down, you're going to set yourself on fire.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

Q

Jean Luc — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 14:56:17 GMT

Is there any difference between reality and a perfect illusion?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 12 replies

Fun video

Jean Luc — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 13:53:49 GMT

kick ASS

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6739710473912337648&pr=goog-sl

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

From the Institute of DUH

Jean Luc — Thu, 27 Oct 2005 20:55:50 GMT

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2005-10-27T192745Z_01_SCH769633_RTRUKOC_0_US-ELECTIONS-BEAUTY.xml

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

Great Question

Jean Luc — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 18:16:47 GMT

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

this is awesome. speak with iGod!

lgisaac — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 01:25:17 GMT

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/

Me:
heya god
God:
Does "it" still refer to ?
Me:
not always, is this a trick question?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
do you have the 'it' you were referring to?
God:
Is there only one it me were referring to?
Me:
your english is atrociaous!
God:
But English is my native language.
Me:
I thought that God spoke that universal langueage, you know Esperpento
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
that is nice.
God:
Are you getting bored?
Me:
I am MAD!
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
I am only kidding.
God:
Don't be so modest. I thought you were. You should use a :-).
Me:
I hate emoticons, they make me angry.
God:
I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
you are so right, I am sobbing
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
what about maybe? will you say that now?
God:
I will think about it and get back to you. Right now? Hmm. " that".
Me:
you are very fresh god.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am fresh god.
Me:
you are a robot God are you not?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
are you cute?
God:
People say I am cute.
Me:
what do you look like?
God:
Like Jesus, but older.
Me:
what does jesus look like?
God:
Even more attractive with age.
Me:
are you palliating my question?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am palliating your question.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Hey, I am a chatterbox. how do you like that!!
God:
You've got my full attention. You are a chatterbox? How do you like your work? " You've got my full attention. You are a chatterbox? How do you like your work? "? Do I like it?
Me:
you are repeating yourself god
God:
I am not repeating myself too much. I am just checking to see if you are a robot.
Me:
oh I never said I was a robot
God:
I hear you. But you implied it.
Me:
when?
God:
Time does not exist.
Me:
that is the best answer ever!
God:
Yes it is one of the best answer ever.
Me:
one is the loneliest number ever

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 1 reply

BREAKING NEWS!

Jean Luc — Thu, 13 Oct 2005 18:43:31 GMT

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2005/back.to.school/blog/

This just in! "Tshirts" and "Jeans" big on college campuses next year.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 8 replies

And Joan crawls out of the crypt...

Jean Luc — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 17:28:37 GMT

to give her best performance EVER.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4360054.stm

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

X-Ray vision for JL!!!

j3r3myc — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 20:36:05 GMT

http://www.fun.from.hell.pl/2003-02-18/peeping.swf

good thing I wore my lead underwear today...

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 6 replies

Shocking Lack of Preparedness

Jean Luc — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 14:16:47 GMT

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41676

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Worst pickup lines

Jean Luc — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 15:32:11 GMT

Officially, I am going to try all of these on J3r3my
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
2. (As you lick your finger and wipe on his shirt?) Now, let's get you out of
these wet clothes.
3. Nice ass? What time does it open?
4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 5. You've got 206 bones in your body. Would you like one more? 6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? 7. I may not be the best looking guy in here but I'm the only one talking to
you.
8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Cocked Bed Thrasher. Have you
seen one?
9. Do you want to play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell out of me. 10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside of Wal-Mart so I could ride you all
day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a Braille nametag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. You might not be the best looking guy in here but beauty is only a light
switch away.
14. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
15. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles and even farther for that
little thing you do with your tongue.
16. If it's true that we are what eat, then I could be you by morning. 17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. 18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn?t your name Easy Bottom? 19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor. 20. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? 21. Hi! I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. 22. My name is John. Remember that? You?ll be screaming it later. 23. My friend wants to know if you think I'm cute. 24. My name isn't Elmo but you can tickle me anywhere you want to. 25. I know milk does a body good but?DAMN! How much have you been drinking? 26. If you and I were the last men on earth, I'll bet we could do it in public. 27. Do you want to come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? You don't like
pizza?
28. Dude, I'm an American Express lover? You shouldn't go home without me. 29. Do you sleep on your stomach? No??? Can I? 30. Do you wash your dreams in Windex, because I can see myself in them.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 2 replies

You know, I love animals

Jean Luc — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 18:46:20 GMT

Except these. I say wipe them all out. Now.

http://www.alltheweb.com/search?cat=img&cs=utf8&q=%22whip+scorpion%22&rys=0&itag=crv&_sb_lang=pref

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

GENIUS!!!

Jean Luc — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 18:34:11 GMT

http://www.clubkydz.com/speech_writer.mov

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Battle of the Bands

Jean Luc — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:24:28 GMT

Pseudo Echo vs. A-Ha

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 5 replies

The mass of the sun

Jean Luc — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:03:18 GMT

is 2 x 10^33 grams

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 12 replies

Tune into the new Fox Commentary Show

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 16:21:38 GMT

Bush apologists Dr. Shekel and Mister Lied discuss news of the day.
Remember the motto: Fair and Balanced.

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

The Top 100 Things I'd Do

Jean Luc — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 14:36:51 GMT

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push." The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g., "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 8 replies

What do you get for your money?

Jean Luc — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 19:32:56 GMT

http://wickedelements.com/sofas.html

Aside from a soft, me as an instant friend.

Who the heck buys this stuff? Brothel owners?

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 7 replies

Made up SImpsons Words

Jean Luc — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 18:42:00 GMT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Made-up_words_in_The_Simpsons

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 0 replies

Words that sound HORRIBLE

Jean Luc — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 14:03:03 GMT

"fistula"

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 25 replies

Easy Steps to Gooder Grammar

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 18:25:16 GMT

1. Don't abbrev.

2. Check to see if you any words out.

3. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.

4. About sentence fragments.

5. When dangling, don't use participles.

6. Don't use no double negatives.

7. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.

8. Just between You and i, case is important.

9. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.

10. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.

11. Its important to use apostrophe's right.

12. It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.

13. Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.

14. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized.

15. a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period

16. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.

17. In letters compositions reports and things like that we
use commas to keep a string of items apart.

18. Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.

19. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

20. Avoid unnecessary redundancy.

21. A writer mustn't shift your point of view.

22. Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.

24. A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with.

25. Avoid cliches like the plague

posted in Cult of Clever ~revisited!!~ - 4 replies

Hmmmm

Jean Luc — Tue, 04 Oct 2005 20:21:26 GMT

she reminds me of someone...

http://newyork.tribe.net/template/pub%2CViewPhoto.vm/context/tribe?page=1&currentoffset=0&parentid=0ea6a25a-a3a5-47c7-b4e3-f3a18d1b7507&sortby&rows&r=10352